Retrospection
by rararia
Summary: There were two of her, of Yazawa Nico. One was the cheerful, childish idol Nico-Nii and the other, the serious student council president Nico, who desperately tried to prevent the idol group they had worked so hard for to collapse.
1. Chapter 1

Act One,

" **By living in a glided cage, knowing nothing at all of the world..."**

" **It is simply natural that one is ignorant, not aware of the true nature and all the impurities that lay in this torn world."**

"Nicocchi!"

"What? Please Nozomi, I don't want to hear any other club offers asking for me to join, I've had enough of them already! Why can't I just-"

An idol club...

" _ **Haaa? An idol club? Are you kidding me? I won't give up my idol research club that I worked on for years for this idol group of yours that you want to form to 'save the school'!"**_

"And what does this idol club want to do?"

"... As you might have guessed, Nicocchi. You have to give up your idol club, destroy their hopes of forming an idol club, or merge with them."

Ah, the choice was obvious, even though the old Nico would never have done this. But somehow, she felt like doing this was the right thing.

"Yes, please do tell them, I shall agree to their request of merging."

"... If that is so..." Nozomi was apparently taken aback. "Nicocchi... I wouldn't have expected you to do so..."

"... Nozomi, you know what?... Actually, me too."

"I just felt the impulse to do so, I actually have no intentions on anything..."

"... Yes, student council president... I always knew you were a kind soul..." Nozomi gave a small smile.

"Heh, am I?"

'This is not right. Things did not go this way, should not go this way... Wait. _Did_ not go this way? What am I thinking?'

"It's the student council president! And she's gonna join our idol club!"

Of course... The hyper, energetic girl. Who had a tendency to be late for school daily. And loved bread and strawberries, even better st _rawberry jam on bread-_

 _-Nico_ _did_ n't know how she knew all these stuff.

She was probably a genius from birth, a mind reader, or had just met them in a past life before.

Actually, all three options seemed weird. Thus Nico did not put thought into this matter, it was probably not important...

So, other than the overexcited girl, there were others; a girl who had an extreme love for cheesecake; a girl who had hair as blue as the ocean; another one with hair like cotton candy, so much that she'd choke; one idol lover, who was obsessed with them as much as she was with rice and a sporty girl who went 'nya~'.

She has known Eli and Nozomi, they were her student council members. Even though she had not known the other six, she felt like she did, somewhere... It was probably just her being overfriendly, however.

Their lives as idols progressed on pretty well. Their live shows were successful, they all had fans. Some of them were even famous online.

Bokura no Live Kimi to no Life. It was their first ever live, performed during their school openings festival, to attract new students. Somehow it had worked, and the amount of students gained were much higher than expected. The school would not shut down after all.

Yuujou no Change. Friendship that will never change. Nico hoped this was true and would remain true for the bonds of this group of nine.

Snow Halation, was their highest ranked live. Nico had believed that the outfit was a little too cold for the snow, but Kotori had done wonders to it.

Wonder Zone, a fun maid cafe live. Turns out that Kotori had worked in a maid cafe in her part-time. Somehow, Nico felt like she had long knew that.

Bokura wa Ima no Naka De... _We're all in this moment._ Nico had wished that this would last for longer than it had.

Because soon this precious moment of theirs? Vanished. Like all Nico's high hopes for herself to become an successful idol... And her wish to make her father proud of her.


	2. Chapter 2

Act 2,

 **A world without dreams or miracles does not mean that we are not allowed to create our own ones.**

 **We just have to rid the thinking that everything is hopeless.**

"I... am disbanding mu's."

"Why are you doing this!?" Rin screeched as the impact of Honoka's words set in on all of the members of mu's.

"Nozomi... This letter _mu_ represents the nine singing goddesses, right?"

Honoka sighed when Nozomi gave a reluctant nod.

"If Kotori leaves... This means we only have eight members left. We can't go on! _Mu's_ needs nine of us! Nine including Kotori! No one else can replace her! It won't be the same!"

"This is why... I am disbanding mu's."

' _This is why... I want to disband mu's.'_ Nico let out an internal gasp as a sense of deja vu came to her, like she had heard the words before, but spoken in a different way. A much, much hopeful way, that mu's could pull through and convince her.

This time that Nico 'heard' it again, Honoka did not have a shred of hope in her voice and eyes. It was full of utter despair.

"Kotori's on the plane already," she whispered. "She's not coming back. And neither are we, to bask in the spotlight once again. As your leader, I officially disband mu's. I do not wish to hear objections."

... That was not right! Honoka had no right to disband mu's after everything they had gone through, even though she was their leader. What about the times they had spent together. What about the times they went through practice together. How about the times enjoying the feel and thrill of standing on the stage as their fans cheered on with glowsticks?

"I-I guess it's no use then." For an entire minute, Nico didn't believe that she had said that. Did she seriously want to do this? No! No she couldn't! Not when she had a promis-

"I-I'm fine with disbanding mu's." Umi spoke up, hands trembling ever so slightly. "I would like to do one thing, however, if it is fine with you before we disband. Honoka, may I?"

"... Go ahead, it will not change my desicion in any way, no matter what you do."

"... Really now..." Umi's face turned nasty for a split second, and Nico actually wondered if this extremely shy yet strict girl had put up a front all this time. "I shall not stop, as you agreed."

A ringing sound echoed throughout Honoka's right ear a second later, and she was sent flying to the left.

No one had time to process what had happened, as there was no time in between. There was no looking up, walking, or stretching out her hand.

Umi had just slapped Honoka with such force and precision that only the leader of the archery club could have, and it took one second from her original position.

Honoka reeled back from Umi, scrambling. Suddenly it seemed like keeping her appearance was less necessary than getting away from Umi, when in one of her rages.

Rin and Hanayo looked absolutely terrified. Even Maki, who usually put up a cool front and tried not to show any forms of weaknesses, was trembling. Hanayo felt sorry for Honoka, while Rin pitied her.

Eli and Nozomi were proud of Umi. They nodded to each other as Umi actually walked up to the shaking Honoka... And spat on her.

Destroying the things most important to Honoka as well, her friendship with Umi, their shared memories and-

Her pride.

Until now, the girl was still thinking about her pride.

"... So, Nicocchi. You know, don't you?"

"About what, Nozomi?"

"The past life we led. The memories that the past us held."

"... What if I said I do?"

"That is good. It seems that I was right after all. I was worried that you would not know and I would look like an idiot."

"... Since when were you an idiot, Nozomi?"

"I suppose you are right. I would have argued back then, against the impossible odds if I was one."

' _I should have. I really am an idiot, impossible odds did not mean no odds.'_

"Hey... Nozomi. Do you not feel a deep hatred for Ho **noka?"**

 **Nozomi despised the name. It had felt so familliar back then, when she called out her name whenever she was needed, or just for fun's sake.**

 **Right now, the name felt like the worst word she could name.**

 **The name just being mentioned, made her feel like killing the named person.**

 **She made Nozomi's life utter chaos again. She would not be able to settle down anymore, with only Eli and Nico to be friends with again-**

 **-Her father might even move her away again if he found out that his daughter's fame has now all flushed down the drain-**

 **-N** o! Nozomi would not accept that!

"I'll be honest, Nicocchi."

"Yes. I do not mind it, even if it does involve a ten hour long death scene planned out to the extreme detail."

"I-I do want to kill her off, Nicocchi. She ruined it all! She ruined my-my life in this school! She rui **ned my chances of success here!** "

"Mine too..." Nico murmured, not intended for Nozomi to hear.

Nozomi caught it.

"A-Ah, Nico-chan." Hanayo bowed low as she saw Nico, her face unusually red. Unusually, being an angry shade of red.

"Hanayo-chan. I am assuming you met her."

"... Y-Yes... I yelled at her, that she was a bully."

"... I'm proud of you, Hanayo."

"..." Hanayo's lip trembled suddenly. "N-Nico-chan, I-I'm so scared! W-Where can I go now? T-The idol group was all I had! Now what do I do?" She buried her head into Nico's shirt.

"I have a solution, Hanayo-chan. For all your problems."

Hanayo walked with Rin at her side, who was chatting to her amicably. When she saw a tuft of orange hair in a small ponytail at the side... She didn't stop, run or hide behind Rin like Rin expected her to.

She swept past the carrot bitch with flawlessly executed grace, and continued on like she wasn't even there.

Rin was surprised, but glad. "Kayochin~!" She patted Hanayo on the back.

"Huh? Did I do something to be commended about?" Hanayo was actually truly confused.

"Eh?" Rin was too.

Didn't she just see Kayochin walk past Honoka without caring a single bit that she was there?

It was strange how Kayochin had changed so fast.

 _It was nice how Rin-chan believed my act completely..._

"I-I have something to talk to you with." Eli walked up to Nico the day after.

"Hmm?" Nico was currently behaving in quite the uncivilized manner for a student council president. Her feet were propped up on the table as she leaned back on the chair she was sitting in, her hair was down and she was crunching on some snacks.

"... Slacking off, are we?" Eli sighed.

"Mmhm. But that's not what you're here for, is it? Just to tell me I'm slacking off?"

"... As expected, Nico-chan, you saw through me." Eli's voice was laced with sarcasm.

"Yeah, yeah, just tell me what you're here for already."

"... It's a really personal matter, actually..."

"Since when did we all keep matters, no matter how personal, from each other?"

"You're right. That is why I seek help from you, student council president."

"I believe that this chatter has gone on for long enough."

"It seems to be so."

... ...

"I-I can't do it! I-I'm scared, Nico-chan! I-I'm scared of everything!"

"I-I was a fool for believing that I could fit in with the idols! I mean, they're all such talented people... Who could sing and dance so well..."

"But-But then I actually became famous! I was actually admired by people! I was so, so glad..."

"And then-! We-we were forced into disbanding... I-I don't know what I want to do with my life now! I have nowhere, nowhere to go back to!"

"And to think that I was actually confident in myself back then, that I would have a bright fu-future..."

"Don't you hate her for disbanding mu's?"

"... Y **es...** "

"Me too... After all, she did something else that was extremely disrespectful... Not just being selfish and caring only about herself... But something worse..."

"..." Eli couldn't help but feel like Nico was hiding more than she let on.

Maki scurried towards the student council room.

She didn't know what had possessed her, but there she was, walking- _running_ , towards the place where she felt that her safe haven from this situation was.

There Nico was, waiting for her.

"I knew you'd be the last one to come to me, Maki."

"Do tell me your problems, like everyone else had."

"Ah, how shallow your reason is." Nico commented when she finally heard them.

"I-I know that, alright! B-But you said to tell you the truth, so I did!"

"Heh. Lack of popularity?"

"S-Shut up, stupid!"

"Wanted more stage time?"

"I-I said-"

"Destroyed your dreams on being a top idol sensation?"

"...!" Maki flushed a deep, angry and embarassed shade of red.

... ...

"... Well... It is actually understandable, given your nature. I take it that you **hate her for destroying your dreams?** "

"Yes... **Indeed I do**."

... ...

"Hmm... Actually, my dreams were destroyed too."

Maki looked up, startled at this comment.

"Might as well not keep this from you all anymore... But..."

Nico smiled wanly.

"You see, when I was really young, at five maybe, my father died. He was murdered."

"However, he did leave down something for us to always hold on to... Our smiles."

"Hearing me go 'Nico Nico Nii' must be so frustrating and annoying, no?"

Maki honestly had no idea how to respond to this comment that she made.

"Well, he used to go 'Nico Nico Nii' all the time, to cheer me up when I was sad or angry, you see. He wanted us to always smile, and never be angry or upset about anything. He was such an optimistic person..."

' _I wonder if daddy can see me now... Cheering other people on as well just like he did... Making people smile, brightening up their day with my Nico Nico Nii...'_

Nico gasped.

"No, no. Nothing." She replied under the concerned gaze of Maki's.

'What was that?'

"... So this is how my father lives on with us even in death... He is always living with us in our minds and souls... In our hearts and smiles when we do our signature 'Nico Nico Nii'..."

"But just when I thought that I had finally, finally made him proud of me! She decides to disband mu's..."

"You don't know the r **age I feel! You don't understand it at all!** "

"... Nico Nico Nii... Calm down..."

Maki was surprised that those words came out of her mouth.


	3. Chapter 3

" _Honoka."_

" _Happy birthday."_

" _You will have a really enjoyable party hosted by all of us, right?"_

" _You better cherish it, it will be the one and only time that you will have this experience throughout your entire life."_

" _Let's play 'Sweet and Sweet Holiday'."_

" _Infinity version!"_

" _How enjoyable!"_

" _Let's play it! The first one to scream loses!"_

Honoka sat up in her bed, panting furiously.

 _What the hell?_

... Right, it was all in her head. Just a dream caused by eating too much sweets, probably. She would have to talk with Kaa-san about adding too much sugar to their bean paste. It just wasn't healthy for her mind.

"Kaa-san? Please don't add-"

Oh, her sister was up. Her mother was running the shop, and Umi was buying manjuu.

Wait, Umi was-

"Hello there, Honoka."

"Huh? The idol business?"

"Ah, we're over it now. It does seem really childish for us to keep harping over that particular matter over and over again, doesn't it?"

The two were sitting in Honoka's room, chatting about current events.

"Really?"

"Yeah, kinda. I mean, Kotori doesn't know, Hanayo's still upset and all… but the rest are fine with this already, so it doesn't really matter, does it?"

"…"

"Don't worry. However, Eli's birthday is coming up, so would you mind going to her place for a party?"

'Sweet and Sweet Holiday…'

'The first one to scream loses…'

Nah, that was just all a sugar-induced nightmare. What did she have to lose in reality? It wouldn't hurt to go.

"Why not?"

"Thank you," Umi smiled sweetly. However, Honoka noticed that it was fake, a mask over a rotting smile, empty and meaningless. But she didn't want to seem suspicious to Umi, so she didn't voice it out.

Since when had her best friend felt like such a stranger?

"I guarantee the programs hosted will be exciting."

Honoka felt déjà vu all over again, but failed to voice it out.

There was something wrong with them all, Honoka thought when she saw her old friends again.

What was it that was off with them?

Was it their expressions? Their postures, like hungry wolves ready for a meal? Or was it just her brain playing tricks on her because of the twenty manjuus she ate today?

It was probably the latter. They were all over the incident of disbanding, after all.

Pfft, yeah right. Honoka totally believed that that was the case.

Well, nothing too bad would happen. They wouldn't dare. Even if they did, Hanayo would stop them, she was weak-hearted. They'd pity her and-

"Hello there, Honoka." Hanayo greeted her.

"It'd be awesome if you would stay for a while, we'd all be glad."

"See, I developed this fun game out of one of our Printemps solos, 'Sweet&Sweet Holiday'. I'm sure you still remember it, I loved that one."

No, this was ridiculous. Sweet little Hanayo, threatening her? Unheard of. Nozomi or Nico, the devils! They planned this from the start. Nozomi was spiritual after all, she probably read her dreams. Honoka didn't know if this was possible, but it was a logical enough explanation.

Nico, the bitch! She used the name, wrote Hanayo a speech to say to her. Hanayo was probably so terrified, the poor girl, being threatened by Nico like that. Honoka couldn't stand her!

"Hanayo, it's okay now. I will talk to Nico about this, and she will stop threatening you instantly, I promise."

"Huh?" Hanayo looked genuinely confused.

"Don't worry, you can drop the act, I swear Nico won't hurt you any more."

"…" Hanayo still looked confused, but dropped the matter. "Anyway, let's play it! It'll be really, really fun, I designed it with Rin-chan!"

"It was Rin?" Honoka asked.

"Why of course! Rin-chan helped, so did Maki-chan, even though she wouldn't admit it."

"…" Honoka shuddered. Who exactly were behind this? Everyone, ganging up on poor Hanayo. She swore; if she was there, she'd have stopped this from happening a long time ago!

"It's alright, Hanayo! I will stop this!"

"… What?"

"You plan to stop our game?"

Hanayo's bright smile suddenly gave out the same aura as Umi's had. Menacing, fake and a sense of impending doom.

"N-No, no… Not at all!"

"Right!" Hanayo's smile turned warm again, so sudden that Honoka thought that it was a trick of the light.

She sure hoped it was.

"Now up for our contestant~!" Rin cheered as Honoka walked into the tent behind Eli's bungalow.

 _Contestant?_

The word sounded so eerie, like she was participating in a dangerous game show. Maybe she was, she wasn't sure if this was reality or not anymore.

Right, she still hadn't warned Kaa-san about the sweetness level yet.

"Thank you for coming!" Eli beamed. Honoka noticed absolutely no bad intentions under her sweet smile, much unlike Umi's and Hanayo's smiles.

For a second, she thought that everything was going to be alright.

Then, Maki's voice rung out.

"The first stunt will be the Hangman's Gambit!"

There was a strange hint of glee that Honoka caught in Maki's voice.

"If you are able to pass this round, you can win a 'Sweet, Sweet Holiday' pass!"

Cheers rang out as a low dangling rope fell from the ceiling.

"Would you be so kind as to try?"

Honoka gulped.

"… Can I say no?"

"Of course not!"

The rope that had been harmlessly dangling around her shoulder-dangerously close to her neck, however-suddenly coiled itself up around her neck.

She pulled at it. She tried, but the rope seemed to be contracting, tightening with every pull.

She took a fearful look at her friends, sitting on the benches.

They were _smiling_.

She glanced at Umi, who just winked at her.

She regarded Maki, who had her arms crossed, flipping her hair when she saw Honoka looking at her.

She eyed Rin, who was gleefully beaming.

She gazed at Hanayo, who was giving her a closed eye smile instead of the fear that she expected to be on Hanayo's face.

She looked in the direction of Eli, who had a smug grin on.

She darted at Nozomi, who was smirking.

She focused on Nico. She was laughing. Maniacally.

Honoka blinked twice, trying her best to quell the tears that had welled up in her eyes at the prospect of death, and at the despair she was facing.

She closed her eyes, hoping to avoid their triumphant stares.

What… was this?

Aah, it felt so comfortably warm all of a sudden. Honoka could see a light, a bright one. It was so, so inviting…

No! She couldn't be drawn towards it… When she closed her eyes, it was black. It was always black! Why was it different this time round, then?

So was this a dream? Did this not happen at all?

… Right, it was all a dream. Heh, Kaa-san, the manjuu she made were dangerous to her mental health.

The dream had felt so real, though…

'When I wake up from my dream, Kaa-san, I'm going to tell you I love you… And put less sugar in my manjuu…'

"Sayonara…"

Honoka wasn't sure who had said that. But she didn't need to know either.

She floated into the light, denial about her death filling her brain.


End file.
